After going home with a self induced cob on, I drank two bottles of red wine, text the last guy I dated and asked him to be brutally truthful.
Don’t ever do that. Trust me.
Made myself sick and went to bed.
It’s funny how you look at what’s happening with you as a third person, I really hope we all do this and not just the crazies……It can be quite relaxing, terrifying and heartbreaking.
So, anyway, I went back on Tinder, I thought, sod it, I like dating, maybe that’s the issue, I like dates but not being exclusive, I like the rush of a first date, of men not really knowing who I am, just what I want to show them.
With all these dating websites and apps it can get a bit dull and repetitive, how old are you how tall, what do you do for fun, yada yada.
I text a chap and said this….
“Ok, so I’m a little wild….When with certain friends, I drive too fast, I eat take out in bed and sometimes snort when I laugh, I’m constantly randy and will swear at any given opportunity, I have 2 cats, 2 dogs and 2 kids, the latter are 12 and 13 and way funnier than I am. If all that doesn’t put you off then we can keep messaging, if not then farewell”
“That’s quite a list you’ve got going on there and sounds like you have many problems – adding me to it won’t make much difference then so I’m in”
I found this funny and also incorrect, or maybe I shouldn’t think that none of those things are a problem, I like them, I like the crazy messed up life I’m living, when I strive for normality is where is goes tits up.
We have a date later and who knows.
Having a borderline personality disorder, which I’m pretty sure I have can have it’s ups and downs (see what I did there), and you don’t evolve as quickly as some folks do, you repeat a bad pattern, you repeat good patterns, it’s trying to get the balance right and that can take time.
It’s not allowing other people to manipulate how you feel is very, very important.
And tricky, stupidly tricky.
But hopefully doable. JFDI.