I’ll Dream to that…

 

This is the first week of something different.

I have been self un medicating, they stopped me from dreaming, they also stopped the nightmares and the screaming howling sweats in the night.

But they stopped the dreaming.

Now I have been lucky enough to have the ability to lucid dream, I can move place, time and even gender, I once dreamt I was Susan Sarandon as a child killer in the 6o’s….So you can glean a rough idea.

The anti depressants dulled how I felt, at the time that was what I wanted, I wanted to not feel, I wanted to not dream but now…

Now I’m ready, I might not be ready to fall in love again yet, I might not be ready to commit to someone else or date like an adult but I am ready to dream of doing so, of having aspirations again, for looking to the future and not concentrating so much on the sodding past!

Not everyone is programmed in the same manner, logical and practical, arty and flighty, warm or evil, that’s what makes the world a fucked up and pretty cool place.

And that starts now. I know you can’t click your fingers and you will be ok, it will be a slow process, it will be long and fast dog walks, keep the house clean, not letting the kids down, being a better person, but also not being so hard on the person I will become.

So whatever the future holds, it doesn’t involve taking little pills.

I’ll dream to that……