New Romantic

 

So my time on Tinder has ended.

I deleted my account……Yet again……

This time for good, no I wasn’t Catfished, no there were not seedy messages, yes I did get lots of swipes….

My sons friends know I’m on it, my eldest told them, so they have been looking at my profile, and my pictures.

Jesus, it’s funny how as a single mother I didn’t realise this would happen, how fucking naive can you get!

Lucky enough my kids see the funny side and like me not being dull and boring, but that’s a step too far.

How the flip will I get over the person I’m in love with and shouldn’t be if I can’t bang my way out of it.

Maybe I should start to grow up and be a better person, I just find it really fucking difficult, to, to adult! I can clear gutters, get my car sorted and bring up children (well I hope) but when it comes to sex and love I’m a school girl, no control and no off button, I also smoke and drink too much, anything that alters how I feel and can use this against myself I will find it and I will love using it.

I know that it’s part of the depression I hold close, I know that it’s not healthy and wrong and that makes me want it even more………

Maybe I should start to re read the romantic classics, like Pride and Prejudice, or Wuthering heights or fucking Mills and fucking Boon, just to try and be like normal women, to date and fall in love with a plumber or a lorry driver or someone drab and reliable.

I just can’t do it, life is such a weird fucked up journey anyway, might as well make it interesting while we are here.

Isn’t that a Chinese curse? ‘May you live in interesting times’, well in that case no amount of exorcisms, Greek eyes and saluting at Magpies is gona help me.

I’m not Chinese however, curse me all you like, I’m already doing it to myself…

So there……

 

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