Alpha 

Well, I’m not going to take back anything I text in the morning.

He does  mean something to me, quite a lot and do you what, I don’t mind it. 

I don’t mind it, it’s like having all the crap of a relationship without the self wonder, am I? Was I? Could I?

Well till tonight that is.

But I did ask, I did do that tonight, and he came out wanting, not me.

I have been good enough, I am good enough, and will grow into something better, better and fatter probably.

I no longer care, nah, scrap that, I do care, and I’m not ashamed that I can love, feel warmth and need heat from another human, it is what’s makes us human after all. How special is that.

Was our friendship stopping me from dating, no, I was stopping me. I’m still stopping me, I’ve just started to realise that I don’t command respect, my persona and demeanour are not that of an alpha female like I thought, I am no top bitch, however I can mirror people and change things instead of pissing on their face or rubbing my vulva on their mouse mat..Ok I might do that anyway..

Just because we ARE animals doesn’t mean we have to act like it but in the same vein we have to be mindful that we are beasts. Trouble is I don’t want to be in the game, or…Or…Or…Play the game. ..

Or maybe the reason I’m not ‘winning’ because I’ve taken myself out of the race.

I’m just scared incase I do win, like the English football team….

Is there a Yang to my Ying…If I win..Who loses? 

Let’s find out

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