The moment I realised that I wasn’t winning was last weekend.
I could have won, but I didn’t.
Now I had a God awful feeling of dread from the moment I stepped out of the door to go and stay at a girlfriends, I should of taken heed and listened to the inner screaming but I didn’t, does anybody? So instead of Hunkering down and eating ice cream from the tub and probably sharing it with my cat (yes same spoon don’t judge), I still went.
Friday was ok, my friend has just started socialising with a younger crown so that’s all I heard about, yawns being stifled I continued as I was out of the house, no kids, no dogs no fucking hoover winking at me un-suggestively.
Saturday, it was the halloween weekend so we dressed up to go for a large pub crawl.
Zom-Bees, get it….Hmm…
So anyway, we went out, and I got drunk, the conversation was not enticing enough for me to give a fuck about and so I drank, this is what happens, if I can be, not entertained but not far off then I’m happy as a sand boy, if I feel shit beforehand or miffed in anyway, then heaven help myself as that’s the person that tends to get fucked up in one way or another.
In my drunken state I agreed to get a lift with someone I didn’t know.
Big mistake, BIG, HUGE.
So it ended up with my mobile being swiped, a couple of punches, on both sides and me being dragged out of the car in an unlit road where I thought was going to be my final resting place.
I think he was more scared at one point then I was.
He just left me there. Thank Christ, or thank my feisty nature and the fact I will never feel like a victim, even when I am.
Somethings as they say happen for a reason, I am a firm believer in this, not that it was meant to happen, but after something does, then learn from it.
This can be anything, learning how to be a better driver after a speeding fine, learning how to deal with situations better at work after an office cow tries to set you up, all that good stuff.
But what about lessons in love, for there are plenty are there not.
As most of my blogs have been about men in general and the fuckupness of my relationships with men in one vein or another perhaps I should mention how my little attack will not put me off men, I will not allow it, even though it probably should.
When I had got home, the first person that I wanted to talk to, was a man, a male friend, not my girlfriends, my male ones, was this perhaps because I felt I needed protection or it could have been because I wanted affirmation that men are not all bad.
I have figured out that some of the men in my life that I hold in great favour do not warrant this, that my trusting nature is by far too trusting, that people are just people, flawed and tainted and wrong on so many levels.
It’s just finding the ones that suit your level and deserve your time and merit.
And for got sake don’t get in anymore strange mens fucking cars.
I’m too old for all this.
Hibernation is needed.